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2003/11/07, 12:17 PM
> >A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
> >it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She
> >says, "What's the story?"
> >He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
> >She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
> >
> >SPEEDING TICKET
> >A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
> >nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
> >would get your act together.
> >Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
> >show
> >it to you!"
> >
> >EXPOSURE
> >A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
> >breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you
> >aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why,
> >officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." he says. She looks down and
> >says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
> >
> >RIVER WALK
> >There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
> >blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the
> >other side?"
> >The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
> >"You ARE on the other side."
> >
> >KNITTING
> >A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
> >Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
> >wheel was knitting!
> >Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
> >trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL
> >OVER!" " NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
> >
> >BLONDE ON THE SUN
> >A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
> >said,
> >'We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the
> >moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
> >The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
> >"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
> >To
> >which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
> >night!"
> >
> >IN A VACUUM
> >A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
> >She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
> >"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She
> >thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
> >
> >FINAL EXAM
> >The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
> >yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
> >at
> >the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,
> >takes
> >out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the
> >answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. > >ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
> >
> >Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
> >still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately
> >throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
> >approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an
> >hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
> >
> >FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
> >There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided
> >to
> >kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a
> >little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped
> >your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in
> >the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde. She pinned the note inside
> >the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning,
> >she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big
> >oak tree, just as she had instructed.
> >Inside the bag was the following note...
> >"Here is your money...I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
> >another"!
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"Get everthing you want--just make a little change now"
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2003/11/07, 06:04 PM
Did you hear about the blond wolverine caught in a trap? She gnawed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap.
What are 4 blonds standing side by side? Wind tunnel.
Thanks Intruder
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I live in my own little world. But its ok. They know me here.
Charlie
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2003/11/07, 06:28 PM
I am sorry, but I cannot participate with the blonde jokes. I dated a blonde in Highschool; prom night was fantastic, and when she referred to my domelight as romantic lighting; this didn't bother me a bit...But when she opened up her compact, and said-hmmm "she looks familar...Well; I better just stop there...Maybe not; she expressed that she knew all the capitals of the US...So, I asked her what was the capital of Wisconsin:::She said, oh that's easy---"W"....
I TOOK HER HOME!
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2003/11/07, 06:42 PM
A blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
>government class.
>
>The professor asked the blonde if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about.
>
>She pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George
>Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
Sorry Again: I participated didn't I?!
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2003/11/07, 06:46 PM
Returning home from work, the blonde girl was shocked to find her house ransacked
>and burglarized.
>
>She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
>
>The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
>patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
>
>As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde girl
>ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
>sat down on the steps.
>
>Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
>possessions stolen.
>
>I call the police for help, and what do they do?
>
>They send me a BLIND policeman.
Damn! I participated once again...
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2003/11/07, 06:49 PM
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning.
>
>The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
>said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
>
>The husband said, "Who was that?"
>
>The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
>clear."
I'll quit it now....
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2003/11/07, 06:50 PM
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
>a gun.
>
>She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds
>him in the arms of a redhead.
>
>Well, the blonde is really angry.
>
>She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
>with grief.
>
>She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
>
>The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
>
>The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
I can't help myself.....
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2003/11/07, 08:04 PM
A redhead went to the doctor because she was not feeling well.
"What seems to be the problem? asked the doctor
"I hurt all over my body." said the blonde
"Show me where it hurts"
The blonde poked her neck, the your arm, then her waist and then her leg. After each, she said that it hurt.
The doctor examined her over and asked "you used to be blonde, didnt you?'
"Yes doc, why?
"I know what is wrong with you........Your finger is broken."
Ya'll are such a bad influence
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