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Question for the guys

babygreen Posts: 10 Joined: 2007/02/05	2007/02/05, 01:05 PM My boyfriend is the sweetest man alive...but our sex life is hurtin. About 3 months into our relationship he sustained an injury that made it challenging...and has since put on about 60 lbs which makes it more challenging. Our encounters are brief and lacking in the intimacy department. It feels a lot more like just sex these days than lovemaking. He says he is insecure about his body, about his endurance, and everything else imaginable. I completely understand insecurity, I'm a woman for crying out loud! But it just seems strange coming from him, especially since when we met he was pretty cocky. Our relationship is wonderful in every other area...I just don't see why he isn't comfortable with sex right now. I guess I'm just afraid that even if he does get back into shape that the intimacy won't come back because its really about something else. Any guys out there who can explain this to me? Maybe been through a similar experience?
jmknippel Posts: 170 Joined: 2006/02/21	2007/02/05, 03:37 PM Are you still as affectionate towards him as you were before?
babygreen Posts: 10 Joined: 2007/02/05	2007/02/05, 05:57 PM I try to be...maybe not AS much because its hard when it is one sided but I am very affectionate with him.
bigandrew Posts: 5,146 Joined: 2002/10/21	2007/02/06, 11:18 AM All I can say if your attitude has changed at all...in any way what so ever, he might have picked up on it. -------------- Get your bicep curling, cut off shirt, matching workout outfit wearing,flexing in mirror "toned" wanna-be ass , out of my squat rack! Don't talk to me, only thing that should be moving is the bar.
christal086 Posts: 155 Joined: 2007/01/06	2007/02/07, 04:04 PM Ha i have the same problem except my partners problem is ME he said ( in the nicest way possible) that i am to "large" to be attractive to be sexually attracitve for him.
sbd Posts: 23 Joined: 2007/02/03	2007/02/07, 04:36 PM wow....my husband said the same thing to me,I had forgotten about it.Right after I'd given birth to his second child...the kids are 13 1/2 months apart...I had put on about 60 lbs...it absoluetly broke my heart...and I learned to never ask questions...unless I REALLY wanted to know the answer. I think its sad,hes better now,has given me a back handed apology,hes sorry he said it,but he never got he should be sorry he felt that way.I never got over him feeling that way. You're making great progress christal086,keep it up,you're looking great. -------------- Whiners play alone...
BILL06 Posts: 755 Joined: 2006/08/08	2007/02/07, 08:37 PM maybe he's afraid he wont live up to your expectations or his previous performances and his self esteem has gone out the window from the injury and added body weight ? -------------- I find it very, very easy to be true I find myself alone when each day is through Yes, Ill admit that Im a fool for you Because youre mine, I walk the line
babygreen Posts: 10 Joined: 2007/02/05	2007/02/08, 11:40 AM I still make suggestive comments and try to tell him how sexy he is but he just gets mad and says "Whatever, I'm a fat ass"...I'm sure he's just low on confidence right now but as a woman I am always convinced its me!
leslieherr Posts: 298 Joined: 2002/08/09	2007/02/08, 03:43 PM babygreen, men go through many of the same emotions as women. If he was very cocky and secure in his looks before of course he is going to be insecure at this point. Perhaps you both need to start working out together. Some people don't like to exercise/lift with their partners so don't take it wrong if he says no. bill06 hit it right on the head. I know you said this was a question for men but some of us women know things to :big_smile: My husband went through this whole thing when he gained weight and started losing his hair, tho he still wanted sex all the time lol he wasn't as confident as before. I just had to give him extra attention to boost him a little.
babygreen Posts: 10 Joined: 2007/02/05	2007/02/12, 12:27 PM Thanks for the responses! Things were QUITE good this weekend...maybe its getting better :love:
AG30 Posts: 106 Joined: 2004/01/21	2007/02/12, 02:58 PM babygreen, Its not very often that a guy is insecure with his girlfriend, especially when it comes to sex. usually insecurity comes in when its a new, unfamiliar girl and the guy is out of shape and overweight. but for a long time boyfriend its not that common. it very well might be insecurity but I wouldn't rule out other possibilities.
cyrus5571 Posts: 2 Joined: 2007/02/20	2007/02/20, 03:03 PM BabyGreen, I read and reread your post and I think I understand exactly what your guy is going through. I've battled with my image and getting inshape since 1998. I lost a wopping 90lbs bringing me from 289 to 199lbs and also got toned up. for the first time in mylife (in my 20's then) I looked as good as I felt. Now getting older it's not as easy to get motivated because loss and gains are not as fast to achieve. I have gained 45lbs over this past winter and my sex life has suffered. I don't like being naked with the light on alone much less with somebody in the room with me. I don't want to look at myself in the mirror when getting into and out of the shower... right now I absolutely HATE the way I look. I know that throughout the summer months I will lose a good amount and be back on top of my game but as for now...eh. Guys have image issues too Green, we just really dont like talking about them. in fact talking too much about it gets me irritated because I'd much rather DO something about it then talk. and If your guy has injuries and CANNOT do anything right now talking may make him edgy. Solution??? be patient, and wait til his injury heals. Spend time doing clothes ON types of activities (intimate) and keep the pressure to be itimate with him to a minimum... burden your friends that's what they are there for. lol. it will pass and your relationship may be stronger for it.
cyrus5571 Posts: 2 Joined: 2007/02/20	2007/02/20, 03:04 PM Message deleted by moderator due to unsuitable content for this board.
babygreen Posts: 10 Joined: 2007/02/05	2007/03/06, 04:31 PM Thank you Cyrus, it helps so so much to hear that! Things seem to be getting better...I've been trying to be patient and supportive and I think he has picked up on that and is trying hard for me as well. I love him and I completely understand being uncomfortable with your body, even when you know your partner loves you unconditionally so I just need to keep a positive focus and hope it rubs off on him!