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2003/06/19, 09:07 AM
I have been with my finace for 3 and a half years now and love him a lot and he says he loves me too. However, he is the one who keeps pushing the wedding date each year to the next year. I have been patient and and am willing to continue but there is a problem: he says that he does not want marriage yet because he sometimes feels that he may not be able to resist other women and feels that we met too early (at age 18) and he has not had time to "get to know" other women. So I told him that I understand and that he is free to go and try other relationships, but he says that he doesn't want to because he loves me and knows no one else could love him more than me. So what do I do now??I mean, he is intersted in other girls but doesn't want to leave me.....????I told him I know it hurts to let go, but this seems like the only solution.If he never experiences other women, how will this conflict ever come to an end? Any ideas?
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2003/06/19, 09:08 AM
I meant to write **Fiance** and not finace
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2003/06/19, 10:01 AM
Oh that's a tough one diana123.. He surely won't leave you, unless he's got another interest already lined up. -Which is a very hurtful situation for you to be in. I think it's good that he's being honest with you, and himself however. Or, maybe he's using that as an excuse to stay out of a concrete commitment.. Because, right now he's got the best of both worlds, a woman devoted to him, and he's keeping his options open to future possibilites. I'm not trying to get him in trouble really... just pointing out that he's got himself a comfortable little spot where he get's to call the shots.
Advise.. hmmm.. convince him that you're the best thing since sliced bread and there are no better women out there! =) I dunno.. ultimatums are a little dangerous at times in relationships. I wish you luck! You seem very understanding and he should be lucky to have you.
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Dont wait! Procrastinate NOW! =)
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2003/06/19, 01:59 PM
If telling him that he is free to go experience other women isn't getting across to him then break off the engagement until he can make up his mind. He is being childish and selfish. and you are right in thinking that this is an issue that needs to be resolved now, before you are married. If that is what he 'thinks' he needs give it to him, but make it clear that you will NOT be sitting around waiting for him to come back. There is no room in a committed relationship for 'outside adventures'. It's destructive mentally and physically. And that's my two cents, too.
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~Victoria~
...Some things have to be believed to be seen!
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2003/06/19, 04:21 PM
You have a life to live also. Will it be with him or another, only he knows that at this time.
I have to agree with the other posts, that he wants the best of both worlds.
Well, honestly, I think he wants a wife for security ...thats all.
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You can walk to anywhere you want, it only takes time.
Ivan Montreal Canada (aka SpongeBob Square Pants to some!)
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2003/06/20, 12:56 AM
I say we're all animals. Sometimes we want sex, other times cuddling, and other times popcorn with M&Ms in it during an action flick. In the end, we aren't by nature a monogamous group, and romantic love is a flittery jittery thing that can come and go, ebb and flow.
Disney was a setup. It doesn't always end happily, unless you are one of a few who realize that nothing is promised. There's happiness in that knowledge alone. Everything that lasts is half chance and half hard work.
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--There are no versions of the truth.--
Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park II
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2003/06/20, 07:15 AM
Ogun, those are some true words of wisodm. We are animals whether people want to admit it or not, the only thing that separates us is the fact that we can talk. We are driven by instinct and emotion and no more.
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2003/06/25, 12:09 PM
Thanks for all of your help. I know that perhaps this is a "red flag" in my face, but it's toooo hard to just break up especially when he keeps telling me he needs me and all that mushy stuff. And about people being animals like dahayz wrote, well, I don't agree with that. I think people are a bit more complex than that. But thanks for the help. If he actually does cheat on me my opinion about the people-animal thing might change, but till then, I dont think so. Thanks for all your help guys! I'll let ya know if anything happens between us. As for now,we're going on a 3 week vacation to Florida,where I used to live before moving here to Europe, so we'll have plenty of time to talk.Thanks!
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2003/06/25, 12:38 PM
Good luck Diana. I really hope it works out for you. And if it doesn't.. there's all sorts of other happiness out there to discover!
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Dont wait! Procrastinate NOW! =)
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2003/06/26, 03:54 PM
when a guy says that he does not want to get married right now because he can't promise that his eyes will not wonder...MmmMMmMm,,, that just doesn't sound cool at all..are you sure love is what he feels just because your with him 3 years does not have to mean that love is in the air....i have been with my boyfriend for 11 years and at first i thought i loved him ....but i did not truly love him ....i really fell in love with him 5 years into the relationship.....i don't believe in marriage but he respects that and we are in this relationship longer then most of our friends that have been married.......marriage is a joining of two people that no longer are looking!!!!!
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2003/06/26, 03:57 PM
age has nothing to do with anything ,,,,i meant tony at 17 years old and he was 22 ...i am now 28 and he is 33 ..........wondering eyes never stop looking........
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