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2005/08/09, 02:52 PM
Hi, my name is Mike and im 21 years old. I'll give you a bit of background on the issue first. I met this girl through my sister, but became friends with her in high school during Track and Field. We have been friends for 4-5 years and I have always had feelings for her past friendship. She is 3 years younger than me so I never pursued anything past friendship, but since she is older now I am thinking otherwise. I've seen her only a few times this year because we are both very busy. The last time I talked to her was 4th of July and on Saturday I recieve a message on facebook about how she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore and she wants to talk to me. I then check my voicemail and recieve a message to call her back and to find out what I was doing this week. I call her back and she comes over so we talk and decide to go out to dinner some time this week. Well I talked to her the next day and talked about how we felt about each other, I told her I had more than friends feelings for her and she responded with "It feels so weird, I'm not sure." I thought these were flat out signals that she was interested in me as more than friends, but I guess I was wrong or something else is in play here. Can anyone shed some light onto my troubles if this is just playing hard to get or do all girls do this even when they just want to be friends?
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2005/08/09, 03:30 PM
hi redrider, ive read a lot about girls and their psychie. im a 22 year old male. my advice to you would be 'Keep it Simple' dont EVER tell her how u feel, as this will have a negative effect (as weird as it sounds!). just keep up the tension..dont push it. if shes an attarctive girl, then the chances are that she has met a few pushy guys before..so dont do things that makes her remember them! keep her guessing whether u really like her or not. Now to what she said to u, 'it feels so weird, im not sure'...anything other than a straight YES from her is doubtful...so u have to STOP right there..and quit being needy if u know what i mean. well , now u already told her how u feel..and never ever mention it again. thats enough! she got the point! so dont push it.(in case u are trying to spill all ur beans in front of her).
If i was in ur situation, all i'd do now is play a little hard to get(not too much), and the next time u set up a date, call her a day before the date is supposed to schedule and tell her u have some really important work to do and say 'how about the following saturday,i dont think i can make it tomorrow, im really busy'.
u get me? this is ur chance to regain control..and keep up the tension! dont let it loose!
all what ive said above is a sort of backup..in case she meant she isnt really interested, simply judging from what she said. but its hard to tell..cos when she says 'it feels so weird, im not sure'...maybe she IS intereted in u, but dont wanna say it straight. no one can read minds, so keep it simple and keep up the tension..be PATIENT. if she likes u SHE WILL LET U KNOW!
This is my best advice to u. Hope this helps. Good luck!
Kenny
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2005/08/10, 09:03 AM
hi redrider
i have to disagree with kenny. it's good to tell us how you feel. we really don't like the guessing game of "how does he really feel?"
in my opinion, i think that maybe she's a little young. the last thing i wanted at 18 was a relationship. unfortunately some females, not all, like to play games. yes those were all definate "i like you signals" but then she backs away and says it feels wierd? maybe she just wants the attention from a male to make herself feel better. but yet doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, just wants you to "want" her.
i hate to admitt it, but when i was 19 i did the same thing. broke up with a boyfriend, then started spending A LOT of time with a male friend. i knew he liked me, but honestly i wasn't interested in him in that way. i just wanted his attention.
good luck...
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2005/08/10, 09:39 AM
ksmith proved Kenny's point perfectly.
"hate to admit it, but when i was 19 i did the same thing. broke up with a boyfriend, then started spending A LOT of time with a male friend. i knew he liked me, but honestly i wasn't interested in him in that way. i just wanted his attention."
The key is your mindset more than anything. You should be sorting out which girls you think are good enough for you, and not the other way around. Don't buy her dinner, drinks, or ask her out on a date. Bust her balls and treat her like you would your sister. Tell her where you are going and she can meet up with you if she wants. Too many guys out there totally tip toe around women as if they need their approval or something. Be confident, and don't take any $hit from anyone. welcome to ft where all information isn't just about fitness. :) Oh yeah, and you messed up with that girl, so go out and find another since they are a dime a dozen.
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2005/08/10, 09:48 AM
Wow, gangster, good advice! They should make that a sticky for us guys!
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"Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator"
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2005/08/10, 11:16 AM
you know what gangster....you are totally right!!! i have been with my guy for 4 years now. it's my first "real" committment. we are together because things went the exact way you stated...
"Don't buy her dinner, drinks, or ask her out on a date. Bust her balls and treat her like you would your sister. Tell her where you are going and she can meet up with you if she wants."
now, not only do we have a great relationship...we're the best of friends because we 'hung out' so much before we actually dated.
i really feel bad for you guys and the way some females treat men. but remember we are not all evil.....
i work in a place that has 65 employees. i am one of 4 females. 1 of those females is the owner, 2 work in the accounting office and i am the body shop manager alone in my building with 24 guys. i love working with them and i have actually learned from them how 'not' to be.
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2005/08/10, 11:19 AM
This is the only girl I probably haven't treated like my sister and teased. Maybe I'll have to try that and see what kind of reaction I get out of her. I have a hard time finding women that appeal to me for some sort of a relationship which is why I like to pursue the very few I like. I've had my fun at school, but now I'm looking for something more serious.
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2005/08/10, 11:38 AM
what gangster and ksmith is saying is exactly what i meant. You told her how you feel, and dont say it AGAIN unless she gives signals that she really likes you. YOU are the man here, and YOU must stay in control, NOT her. if she is just playing around move onto the next girl.
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2005/08/10, 12:43 PM
I think we're going to get some "heat" from female members here.:big_smile:
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"Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator"
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2005/08/11, 09:26 AM
ahaha
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2005/08/11, 09:59 PM
i'll have to ponder this and give you some heat on it soon.
But for red, the biggest mistake i've seen in men, not all men, is that they just can't be themselves. If you end up dating, she is gonna see you for who you really are. Be yourself, do what ganster says and treat it exactly what it is at this time, a friendship. When she is done playing her silly little girl games, she will let you know how she feels. But please don't take his advice on they come a dime a dozen, that is so not true! Unfortunately in this day and age, it is hard to find a good woman or man for that matter.
Ganster, I will deal with you later!! :cool:
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/08/11, 10:01 PM
And just to re-emphasize, the title is "Relationship Question for WOMEN" Not men.... :big_smile:
He obviously wants to know how women feel.
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/08/11, 11:13 PM
Betia, most women feel pretty good to me. I can take or leave the real boney ones.
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Prayer for the day: Lord, help me to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Charlie
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2005/08/12, 01:07 PM
above comment made by Gangster.
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2005/08/12, 03:52 PM
My thought - she just broke up with another guy - until she puts this other guy behind her, she isn't ready for another boyfriend, yet.
just be her friend until she is ready - she now knows that you are intersted so she will have you in mind. Just let her know that it will stay friends until she says she wants more
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Reddy
All people smile in the same language
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2005/08/12, 10:24 PM
ouch!!! You are mean gangster!!!
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Bettia.... The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
ravenbeauty@freetrainers.com
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2005/08/15, 09:05 AM
Actually, I'm a big softy, you just have to get past my hard coated colorful candy shell. :)
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2005/08/18, 08:43 PM
but i heard that what women say they want isnt exactly what they want. i guess that applies to all of us sometimes.
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