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2005/05/27, 06:37 PM
hey, i just had a really crappy day and ive got a problem so i thought i'd share it with u all at FT and hopefully get some help. Well basically at school i have 2 best friends, we're a 3. But recently they were really getting on my nerves and well just plain disrespectin me...so i didnt talk2 them for a while. Well first i kinda said some harsh words and insulted em a bit (i was p*ssed off1)
I thought its either gonna be me beating them up and making things worse or me just leavin them alone and hangin out with other friends for a while. So anyway they started gettin p*ssed off at me cuz i wasnt talkin 2 them, so anyway yestreday i thought i'd be the bigger person and just apologize (plus other people wanted me 2 as well). One of them was online (i decided 2 apologize on msn) and i said sorry. but she didnt seem to give a crap...she was just sayin stuff like "hmm" and "..." so i just thought ah screw it. Then today i was talkin 2 her normally to get things back 2 normal but she was hardly talkin, then the other one came online and i started talkin 2 her. We sorted everything out, there were a few misunderstandings, i explianed why i ignored them, we both apologized 2 each other and soerted it out. we;re cool now. But then she told me 2 sort it out with the other one (who didnt seem 2 want to). I said sorry, (even though i didnt want to and didnt really see what i was apologizing for). I asked for forgiveness loads of times. I asked her if she wanted to get back as a 3 again or does she not like me anymore, just wanna be a 2 with the other person. She said "maybe.." which really peeved me off. She wouldnt even forgive me, let alone say sorry for what she did! Me and the other person agreed we were all to blame and i admitted it, but she didnt. I kept saying cant we just forget this but she didnt care. She said i hurt her and she dosent think she can forgive me. It's just words! i forgave her (btw if ur wondering what they were doing,its cuz they were being rude to me, were saying someone can beat me up which is basically saying im weak, annoyin me n then callin me moodyface etc), so why couldnt she forgive me?!
Oh yeah also, i might as well mention not long ago 2 of us had dreams that i died, and them 2 (the 2 friends im talkin about) were laughin at me while i suffered. and the dreams kinda came true...cuz they're together, n friends, and im just seperate.. Also in the other ones dream i was eatin a lollipop n dropped it, and the nxt day i was actually eatin a lollipop and when i was gonna chuck it in the bin it fell on the floor and they got really angry at me!! So anyway, its all messed up, we're pretty much split up, well them two are still friends, but the one wont forgive me. This has happened before, a similar fight - me gettin p*ssed off, and i always tell them they annoy me when they do and then they say they dont! Also i told her i promise next time i will be straight with them and not not talk 2 them...but she dosent believe me..also i said i didnt mean all this to happen it was probs the dreams comin true...and she says its not. I dont know what to do, i just cant believe why she cant give me a 2nd chance! the only thing i did to her was say one harsh sentence, it wasnt worse than other things people had called her (and she got over them). Besides, they're just words, people say things they dont mean when they're angry.
I dont know what to do, and i really feel like beating her up when i go back to skool...cuz shes so cold hearted and has ruined everything. What do u guys think? I really wanna beat her up, there's nothin much else 2 do im so angry :(.
Who do u think is right, what should i do?
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2005/05/27, 08:23 PM
Firstly - I think you should fill out your profile.
Now for your "issue".
MSNing someone an apology is very impersonal and honestly, rather rude. If your friends mean anything to you talk to them face-to-face. That's the respectful thing to do.
Everyone makes mistakes and says things they probably shouldn't. A good friend will understand and forgive. But it shouldn't be something that happens over and over and over, either. You have to be fair. Getting pissy because your friend isn't jumping to forgive you won't accomplish anything (unless you want to make things worse).
It's not about "forgetting" what was said/done it's about getting past it. And it's NEVER "just words". What is said in anger is often never fortoggen. Learning to think before we lash out verbally comes with age and learning from mistakes. Welcome to the club of mistake-makers.
Please know I'm not saying you're the only guilty person in the situation (although I really don't know what the situation is beyond the fact that they made a judgement that you didn't agree with because it offended you). Is the real problem that they may have been right and that hurt your feelings? There will always be SOMEONE in the world who will be one step up (bigger, stronger, smarter, more attractive) but it's really about learning to be happy with yourself. Appreciate your strengths and work to get beyond any possible feelings of insecurity. We always expect our friends to be on our side, but in the long run it is far worse to have a "friend" that lies to buffer our ego/insecurity. Having truly honest friends is the best we could ever hope for.
Anyhow - it almost always "takes 2 to tango" but if you're aware enough to know that her unwillingness to forgive you bothers you then you have to be able to see that what happened may have really hurt her emotionally.
Give her time to recover from feeling hurt. If you make the effort to sincerely try to salvage the friendship in a mature and personal way, and she still won't forgive then perhaps she's not such a great friend.
You even said yourself that this has happened before with you getting pissed off and annoyed. Maybe you just need different friends...
I'm sure things will work out.
And stop reading so much into dreams! :)
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2005/05/28, 05:17 AM
thanks artemis...we have got a week off school so hopefully that'll give her time to calm down. yeah, i've always wondered why its happened before and thought they werent good friends but yesterday i sorted it out with the one that forgave me, and realized that the reason it happened before it cuz i wasnt doing the right thing, so now i know and i'm sure it wont happen again. I even told it to the girl (that im pissed off about) but i'll try and explain to her again later. When i go back 2 school i'll go up to her and say "im sorry, can it just go back 2 normal now?" and hopefully it will be sorted. thanks for ur advice.
p.s i dont really understand how she got that hurt from what i said, cuz i always say stuff like that...when we were friends i said it in a joky way and she was fine...the only difference this time was i was angry...oh well ur probs right anyhow..
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2005/05/28, 06:41 AM
I take it this is highschool? Man i'm glad i'm out of highschool.
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" The only true eye, is your minds eye"- plato
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2005/05/28, 08:05 AM
hey..i think u shouldnt even feel like apologoziing...it was her who was disrespectin u in the first place rite?
Also u've apologized, so why the f*** would the other one not forgive u? more like u shouldnt forgive her..
i say just wait a bit, if it dosent work out she aint worth it anyway.
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2005/05/28, 09:34 PM
If she was a true friend she'd gotten over it by now......if shes gonna be that way then fine.....2's company 3's a crowd
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" The only true eye, is your minds eye"- plato
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2005/05/28, 09:50 PM
3 is not always a crowd.... :)
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:Which came first.... The egg? Or the pesky chicken? I want to know!:
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2005/05/29, 02:41 PM
manage' troi's ...don't count lol
* been several years since french sory if I misspell it *
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" The only true eye, is your minds eye"- plato
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2005/05/29, 03:20 PM
lol sbroyhill...
I am assuming this whole thing is between females....I don't expect to see guys pulling this stuff....
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2005/05/29, 04:24 PM
what part would guys not pull? gettin pissed off at someone n not talkin 2 em, or not forgivin em or what, menace?
just that i knew some guys were like best friends (were housemates at uni), and a smiliar thing happened...3 of em were pissin this 1 guy off, and he kept sayin they were annoyin him or w/e and in the end he just started hangin around with someone else. (but first he kinda swore at the guys and insulted one guys girlfriend which he wasnt too happy about). Then later me, especially, but also other people kept tellin him and the other guys 2 sort it out cuz we didnt like the whole fight as they were always a 4 and it was great that way. The one guy apologized to the 3 for lashin out at them, and 2 forgave him but the 1 whose girlfriend he dissed didnt forgive him for quite a while...i think it was like a month before they were all buddies again.
So similar things can happen with guys too. Although i personally think the one guy who wouldnt forgive the other guy was the more womanlylike cuz he found it hard to let go of a little thing..
anyway burninghot i hope it works out, between you guys, just next time control ur temper and if u tell them theyre pissin u off but they dont stop, they aint true friends anyway.
good luck
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2005/05/30, 05:14 AM
all I am saying is I mostly see this type of drama between females...something like this always happens between some female friends I know....
plus all that bs about 'I don't think I can forgive u'...just a load of crap imo...
not saying that guys can't pull soemthing like this but I just think it happens a lot less....cuz guys aren't as much into 'feelings' and other melodrama
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2005/05/30, 07:01 AM
hey people thanks 4 the replies...
n menace, do u think i'm bein too dramatic, and "feelingy" (is that a word?). Cuz i mean, i was angry when they were annoyin me, and just went to hang out with some other friends for a while...i mean guys get angry 2 right? lol...well i hope im not bein 2 dramatic, i hate 2 do so...and im startin 2 think this whole thing started over some stupid little things..(but alot added up together cuz i kinda held in my anger for a while)....and also i was just wondering...what would u GUYS do in my situation?
I mean, imagine ur like best friends with 2 girls..or even guys for that matter....and well these 2 friends start pissin u off...for instance, annoying u...hang out more together maybe sometimes makin u feel left out, not being on ur side sometimes...what would u do?
would u pretend it dosent matter (if they were guys) to kinda stop ureself lookin like some emotional wierdo (actually or even girls, so u dont look sensitive in fron of THEM) ..or what? or would u tell them 2 "f*ck off n not say that sh*t bout me".?..lol and then go back 2 normal, or what?
I wanna know what u GUYS would do in a similar situation (whether it be female friends or male friends) and tell me what you would do. Then next time it happens i will do that definetly, cuz im sure it'll work out a lot better
thanks.
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2005/05/30, 11:12 AM
ummm i just would leave them alone if they are gonna act immature.
Thing about guys is, we annoy each other as like a gag or somthing. When a guy gets pissed off at another guy.......theres a reason besides "just being annoying" towards me. We just stay away from that person.......we don't cause drama.
See chloe....somthing else happened.....because the guy that was being ennoyed swore and called one of the guys g/fs a name.........those are fighting words......so there's more to that story than you know I think.
But for the most part guys just don't annoy another guy just to do it.
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" The only true eye, is your minds eye"- plato
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2005/05/30, 12:45 PM
well, that is just what i did...when they were annoying me, i left. I started hangin out with 2 other friends...i mean at first, yeah, i insulted one of em, but then i left em alone, i personally, didnt wanna cause too much of a drama...then they accused me of being "sensitive". was i sensitive? im just confused bout that lol.
Andrew, im not sure what u mean... u said guys annoy each other like a gag or somethin, then at the end said guys for the most part dont just annoy another guy just 2 do it..
also when u say when a guy gets pissed off at another guy, theres a reason besides "just being annoying" towards me. We just stay away from that person...we dont cause drama.
Are u sayin if they're annoying, a guy would not let it get 2 them? And stayin away frm that person..well my friends would think im bein sensitive..
Also, about chloes story, what do u mean theres more 2 that story cuz the guy swore...cuz thats what i did to one person who was annoying me...huh..sorry im confused...im kinda slow u may need 2 simplify that..
thanks anywy
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2005/05/30, 01:05 PM
What I think he means by "guys annoy each other like a gag or something". We annoy each other all the time, we talk shit about each other, and we really don't care. I mean if the person is actually serious then we might leave until they're in a better mood, but for the most part of it we just really don't pay much attention to it. No your not being sensitive if you walk away, that's probably the best thing you can do to keep it from escalating. Some people are immature and they wont want to forgive you. Not being sexist or anything, but girls tend to take a lot longer to forgive eachother then guys do. Girls tend to make it in to a drama and they keep it that way. Guys usually just say it's cool when someone apologizes. If they're a true friend they'll come back though. She's probably just in a bad mood still and needs time to get back to normal. I wouldn't keep on apologizing though, let her do what she needs to do at her own pace. Hope everything turns out well. Take care.
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2005/05/30, 03:23 PM
thanks alot dvelsk! Yeah, ur right about girls bein that way, i hate bein like that, like bein all sensitive n emotional n stuff..so yeah...glad 2 knw i wasnt lol.
yeh, i kinda gave up askin her, hopefully she'll come around. Thanks again, u take care 2 :), and everyone else :big_smile:
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2005/05/30, 05:12 PM
"...i mean at first, yeah, i insulted one of em, but then i left em alone"
theres your answer
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" The only true eye, is your minds eye"- plato
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2005/05/31, 06:25 AM
I think when guys do it ...it's mostly just playful ragging....
I am the opposite , I don't cause drama, I just stop talking...I mean when one of my friends pissed me off, i didn't speak to him for 6 months...and similar in some other situations...I get angry...but just in a different way...
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2005/05/31, 06:25 AM
speak/hang out*...basically if he's somewhere, I am not
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2005/05/31, 06:39 AM
ah ok cool..s'what i did..not cause drama...but are u guys tryin 2 say next time i shouldnt lash out at em? just go straight to not talkin 2 em? ...i mean when i do that they say im moody..hate been called that, lol...man its weird...they piss me off...i ignore em or whatever n then they say im moody/sensitive, n crap which pisses me off more! argh..next time i guess i could just bottle my anger up...i could just put up with it..rite?
but anyway for now, it seems everythings back 2 normal...i was on msn yesterday and the girl just randomy started talkin 2 me like everythin was normal..theres this school trip - the Sail France every year and she asked me 2 go, said it would be wicked if i came...i was kinda surprised..i mean a few days back she ws like "i dont think i can ever forgive u, maybe in a few years", and sayin she and the other person will be a "2" then suddenly she wants me bak in the picture..i mean she didnt even say sorry, and i wanted to lash out at her and ask her why she changed my mind, and say stuff like, well its 2 late, have fun just the 2 of u...but i thought that would be immature..and i dunno..sensitive...so i just went along wit it, and i guess its bak 2 normal...
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2005/05/31, 06:59 AM
just walk away before you get into some confrontation and talk about it later when both of you had time to calm down/cool off
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2005/06/01, 11:42 AM
I agree with menace completely.... cause when u say things when you are upset/ mad you tend to either say things you dont mean or you upset or hurt someone and that may or may not of been your intentions.... better to just walk away and wait till everyone is calmed out and then actaully take time to talk about then. That way there is no hurt feelings.. :)
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God wont give you anything you cant handle!
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