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2006/10/25, 01:36 PM
I've discussed this with Mutt a bit...but I would like to get your views.I've become truely afraid to talk to people..maybe not afraid...but incredibly anxious.That may(ar may not)be hard to believe because I'm so chatty on this site.On the site it is easy...I can think before I talk(yes I actually do)I have a chance to think of what I'm going to say before I say it...whereas in a conversation with a person I feel on the spot sort of.This has always been a problem for me...as a girl my mother did everything for me...my first husband did everything for me.As far as making phone calls,setting up appointments...things of this nature.My husband now has even done it..he's a take charge kinda guy..so it was easy for him.I managed though...I could talk to people...maybe a little nervous..but I could certainly function.When we went over seas...things seem to have taken a turn for the worse.When we had been there a few weeks we ventred out and went to a town about an hour from our house...our first real outting in Spain...there was an anti war rally going on at the time...alot of hostility toward America in general..burning American flags...death to bush signs...scared the hell out of me...and after that I refused to go anywhere outside of the base on my own..and when we did my husband did all of the talking..my spanish is awful.I started to get worse around this time..but didn't think much of it...I was a retail supervisor on base..I talked to people all day long.So although my husband and I both thought it was quirky that I got anxious when meeting new people or going someplace new,because I was able to do it at work all day long,we left it alone.Well now...we have been home for a year...and still I rarely leave my house unless my husband is with me..so I don't have to talk to people.A few months back I got a job as a server...which was excruciating at first..I was so wracked with anxiety during the interview process I thought I would throw up...but apperantly to management thought I did fine..got hired right away...I talked to people all night long...with no problems...so again...I let it go.That job only lasted about a month..I had to quit for other reasons.So now I've been in the house for the last 3 months...and have only left by myself on 2 occasions...my husband was sick and needed meds,and my son was hurt...thats it.So...I'm getting worried.My husband wants me to join a gym..I have an interest in fitness..so that would get me out there...I just don't know if I could do it.I understand the simple solution is to just do it...but the anxiety is awful.I'm not afraid I'll get hurt or anything...it's just talking to people.Most days I tell myself I'm content ...but this is starting to bug me more and more.
So what do you think???Does anybody else have trouble connecting to the "real world".Is it possible this is a simple self esteem issue.I'm just not sure what to do,if you put me in a social situation...you would never know I feel this way...it's easy for me to carry on a conversation...but inside I'm terrified...it's goofy I know...I just don't know what to make of it.
SORRY....this was so long!:)
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2006/10/25, 01:45 PM
I think it is a problem and is a type of mental illness. You need to either get out on your own or see a doctor about it. Social aniexity disorders are hard to fight on your own as the only way to get better is to go out and get treatment. Now I am not a doc and not sure if you are just shy or what but i would go talk to a doc about it, There are a lot of choices for this in terms of treatments. From just talking to someone to medication. Nip it now before you turn into one of those crazy people that just can notleave at all.
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Stop freaking talking about what you squat and SHOW ME WHAT YOU SQUAT!
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2006/10/25, 02:04 PM
This may be completely different but I saw a program where people were really scared of different things - one was scared of spiders, one snakes, and I even think that one was scared for large crowds. What the docs had them do was slowly comfront their fears in small doses. The one with fear of spiders had to look at pictures first, then movies of them and then hold one. She got over her fear. I agree with Mutt (which has me worried now) that you may want to see a doc on this or start stepping out of your box in small steps. Although a doc will help, I bet they say meds. They all do
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2006/10/25, 02:37 PM
I agree, I think it would be worth talking to a professional, since it appears to be isolating you. I think many of us, myself included, feel anxious in new situations and we all find ways to deal with it. Ever since I was a kid, I get nervous in new situations, my face flushes red, I perspire and I feel extremely self concious. I learned at an early age that this is just the way my body reacts and there really isn't much I can do to change it, so I do my best to just ignore it. It's not easy, but I find it only last for a short period of time and then I'm fine. No one has ever commented that I look overly nervous, so it is obviously just something I'm internalizing. I think the more you expose yourself to a situation, the easier it gets. As you said, once you started your server job, things got easier after a while. As atiger says, take little steps, but if you find you just can't handle it, then it's time to seek profesional help!
Good luck KC, I know how debilitating these things can be, so don't let it festor....do something about it!
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Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
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The harder you fall, the higher you bounce
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2006/10/25, 02:37 PM
KC, I understand... and agree with Mutt and atiger... may wanna see someone...
I'm sorta the same way, but I think my situation is more 'shy' than anything else. I'm not really a big fan of meeting new people... mind starts to go a little bonkers...
But your situation sounds different. I'd get it checked.
t
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I am training for birthdays.
Be here. Live. Love. Hope. Now. Faith. Believe. You. - Keith Urban
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol
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2006/10/25, 02:57 PM
Now I am truely embarrassed...as I knew I would be...for me I have to step up and admit things are a problem out loud before I can fully start to get better.This was safe for me..I can admit it,and if I didn't like how you reacted I could easily retreat.To tell people in my everyday life would have been tough.I do think baby steps may be the answer...I baby stepped my way into this..I suppose I need to baby step my way out.It's easier to just keep going the way I have...but Lord knows I never take the easy route.So anyway...thank you all...I really needed to say it out loud...in order to move forward...thats just how I work.
Do me a favor...check in with me in a month or so...if I haven't started to make those baby steps the making my own phone calls,and going to the store by myself...I will make an appt for the dr.My husband will be happy when he gets home when he hears I've decided to do something..he knows not to push..I'm a stubborn women..and I need to do things in my own time...But really...thank you.
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2006/10/25, 02:59 PM
We are all here for you!
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Stop freaking talking about what you squat and SHOW ME WHAT YOU SQUAT!
7707mutt@freetrainers.com
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2006/10/25, 02:59 PM
No need to be embarrassed.
t
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I am training for birthdays.
Be here. Live. Love. Hope. Now. Faith. Believe. You. - Keith Urban
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol
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2006/10/25, 03:39 PM
Good Luck KC
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Life is a lesson. You will learn it when you are gone.
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2006/10/25, 03:41 PM
My wife is the same way, but it's because she is shy. Don't be embaressed at all. Try and join a club where there is round table discussion or something like toastmasters. Don't hide yourself and think of you as #1...speak up.
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A little discipline at the table and at the gym might help reduce that belly!
Ivan
Montreal Canada (City of Festivals)
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2006/10/25, 03:50 PM
For me, it's about feeling safe. Safe surroundings, safe people. The things you KNOW are ok. I hate going to new restaraunts,new grocery stores,new malls....I don't KNOW them. And what if something bad happened, would the people around me do anything?
I've had to slowly expand my list of safe places. There is a grocery store that I never would have walked into, but when we moved, I went shopping there with my mom(safe person)and realized it was a nice store, not to mention cheap. I can now go by myself, and it's ok. But it's a fight to go the first time,anyplace new, or talk to a new person.
Baby steps....the phone call thing would be the first I'd try. Order a pizza on your own(doesn't mean you have to eat it)on a regular basis, and see if that lessens up the anxiety a bit. Big huggies girl! :love:
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2006/10/25, 04:33 PM
KC, I am currently going through the same sort of situtation, however maybe not to the same degree as what you are going through. I have always had anxiety, however I have learned over time, how to control it. I have a diploma in social work and a degree in psychology, so I guess my education has also assisted me in guiding me through my issues. You are right when you say that it was baby steps that got you where you are, and it will be baby steps to get you back out. I have gone through the same thing, where you get nervous or anxious over a few situations...and little by little, you start to realize it is starting to control over your live. It takes time, but this is something you should beable to overcome. The best thing to do is to see a psychologist or doctor who is able to assess your needs, and help guide you towards feeling better about social situations. Some people are hesitant towards taking medication, but it may be a helpful step to get you started towards making change.
Good luck
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2006/10/25, 04:34 PM
sorry I just ended my post without really finishing what i was going to say...I realized i am late for work and i gotta get going!
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2006/10/25, 04:55 PM
Well I must say I feel more confident about myself knowing there are other people that understand what I'm feeling.It has become worse over the years..and I could see it getting even worse quickly...and that I needed to "nip it in the bud" as mutt says.I'm trying to define for myself really what the problem is...and it seems it's the anticipation of going somewhere by myself,and the IDEA of having to talk to someone that really gets me.Because like fly,once I do it I'm ok...and I'm only like this when I'm on my own..if I'm with my husband..or someone else I consider "safe" like cristal said,I do fine...I can chat it up with anybody.Mostly because I know that whomever I am with will do the talking for me if I get into some type of trouble...they always have.I have gotten to the point I won't even ask for ketchup at a restaraunt..I would rather hold it than ask someone where a restroom is...so maybe slorbets is right and I am in need of drs care...I'll discuss it with my husband.I went to drs as a teen(my parents thought I had some serious issues)but I found it rather easy to manipulate them...to get out of the situation..I don't know...as an adult this may not be the case??I'm not sure...but again...thank you all so much,it really helps to know other people get nervous too.Maybe not like me,but still nervous.My husband is so confident,he can talk to anyone about anything...he never gets nervous...so that makes me feel like I'm the only one out there.He always says I'm not...but it helps to see there REALLY is!!:)
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2006/10/25, 05:01 PM
KC - Even confident "appearing" people have anxiety to some degree so you definitely aren't alone. Notice I said appearing. I train people for a living on equipment that I helped design but just about every morning it seems there are earth tremors going while getting "up" to do what needs to be done. :) It can be controlled but it seems you've been allowed to hide a bit more than some of us.
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2006/10/25, 05:02 PM
heres a big hug for ya buddy... :love:
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Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.
- David Bly
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2006/10/25, 05:06 PM
Thats funny Mike..my husband is a corporate trainer..he tells me the same thing...that he does get nervous,right before he's gonna stand up in front of that room full of people...but I NEVER see it..so it's hard to believe...guess I should give him a little more credit..poor guy!:)
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2006/10/25, 05:14 PM
It's a good observation though KC...even though he's nervous, you don't see it. Chances are, people don't notice your nervousness either. Sometimes just realizing that can help a bit! Isn't it nice to know that the rest of us are just as messed up as you are:laugh::laugh:
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Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
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The harder you fall, the higher you bounce
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2006/10/25, 05:31 PM
As silly as it is ...YES...it is a huge relief.I don't think anybody I know in person would have any idea..in fact they wouldn'y take me seriously if I told them..I am very forward and joke around all the time...because I know them.But feeling it was awful.I feel better already.In fact I'm going to the grocery store by myself tonight...that will be a relief for my family..I usually drag tham all along..and all I need is eggs!I will end up going through the self check..but I will have gone by myself..so thats a plus.
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2006/10/25, 05:56 PM
Just stay out of the bars KC :)
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2006/10/27, 01:20 PM
Soooooo...how did egg shopping go??
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2006/10/27, 01:37 PM
Thats funny...I was just talking to mutt about this...well,I think it went well.I ended up dragging my family along...but I went through checkout by myself...I sent them to the halloween isle.Which is a step for me...and I also called about some christmas tikets I want.It's not as bad now that I know I'm not the only one who gets nervous.For me it was always weird,because it's not shyness.I feel like I AM going to talk to a room full of people anytime I have to talk to someone on my own.I talked more with my husband about it and we figured I don't do it at work because at WORK who I'm talking to really isn't interested in me...they want to know about the things the place I work has to offer...not what I have to offer.So at any rate..I am starting to work on it!!!Thanks for checking up on me cristal!!!!:)
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2006/10/27, 02:36 PM
Good girl. I'm glad it went well. :)
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