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2007/01/18, 12:57 AM
The Oreo
By Dave Tate
The reason for this post article is I am amazed at what people don?t know. This started Sunday in the gym. Somehow the topic of gaining weight and eating like crap came up. Bingo! I know all about this. Then Oreo?s came up.
So here I am listening to this when I decide it?s time to man up and educate these guys.
Then today I?m talking to someone else about eating like crap (as you can see I?m still eating like crap), and the same topic came up.
So here is a lesson for everyone.
First off, know the playing field.
There are 45 cookies in a regular bag and 36 in a double stuffed bag. How can you NOT know this one? This is basic stuff! This has been America's most popular cookie since 1912, and many a great man has bulked up on these.
The floral design on the cookie has 12 flowers per side. This is another one that kills me. How can you miss this when you are putting away 45 in one shot?
If every Oreo cookie ever made were stacked on top of each other the pile would reach to the moon and back more than five times. Now if you can?t add a mile or two then you aren?t even in the game. The key is to pound the bag before your brain tells you that you?re full. Some will say this happens in 20 minutes. I say screw that! Try for a PR every time out. This is not max effort stuff here. This is about nailing down the most calories in the shortest time possible.
Rules of the game.
1. Never pull the damn thing apart, and dunking is totally out of the question. I am not even going to discuss why.
2. Use a small glass to drink your milk. A bigger glass will cause too much fluid consumption too fast. This will fill you up before the bag is done.
3. Kill one row right from the start. Just dig in and go. This is easy to do and can be thought of as the warm-up set, the first lap, the first go-around, or whatever you like.
4. Once the first row is done, poor a small glass of milk. Do not drink it. Not yet.
5. Without any delay, start on the next row. With each cookie, pop it in your month and bite it in half (while still in your mouth). Then take a sip of milk. Repeat this for each cookie in the second row. If done correctly, you will run out of milk at the same time that you kill the last cookie in row two.
6. Next, wash your mouth out with water. Do not swallow the water. Rinse and spit just like at the dentist office, except this time you will be spitting black crap all over the bowl. Then repeat #5 for the last row.
7. If you?re good, you should be done in less than seven minutes. I would tell you my record but this involves using the double stuffed kind. I will give you this as a guide to go by:
Elite: 4 minutes
Masters: 5 minutes
Class 1: 7 minutes
Class 2: 10 minutes
Class 3: 15 minutes
Class 4: 20 minutes
Class 5: 30 minutes
This brings me to my next point. Stick with the single stuffed until you get a good carryover (weight gain) and move up the ranks. You really should not embrace the double stuffed until you are at least a Class 1 or Masters. Everyone wants to jump right into double stuffed way too fast. Embrace that you are a novice, and the gains will come. Stick to the basics. It is how all the big boys did it.
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Michael
Those who think they know everything, annoy those of us who really do.
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