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2004/04/11, 08:03 AM
Was friday. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, and she told me she wants a break. I know what a break means.
I've never felt anything like this before. When we were together it was so great, I never thought my life could be like that.
We would always fight when exam times came around and I guess this was our downfall. Although we're both University students, she's in Science and is going to be starting medschool next year. So, in the time leading to exams she always wanted to not see me so much (because she was so busy), and I always complained because I loved being with her so much. She thinks that we are too different. She thinks that I can't understand how important being a doctor is to her, and I guess she can't understand how important love and family is to me.
I don't think this is a good reason to break what we had. It was unbelievable. We were practically engaged, with plans to move in together next year.
Last night I had a great dream, today I awoke to a nightmare.
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2004/04/11, 09:03 AM
Why can't you be supportive of her desire for an education? Instead of laying low during exam time when you know she needs to direct all of her attention to her studies, you pick a fight. I'm not surprised that she needs a break. You need to stop complaining and show her how much you love her by respecting her desire for an education and her need for the space to accomplish her goals.
When exam time rolls around, put together a pretty survival basket filled with all kinds of yummy snacks, a little bubble bath, etc. and assure her that when exams are over, you will be there. Then disappear for those few weeks, keep busy, and plan a romantic, relaxing post-exam evening. That's love.
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/04/11, 09:23 AM
You're right Anni. That's what I should have done. Maybe I'll get another chance. I'm practically begging her to give me one.
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2004/04/11, 09:49 AM
David,
I know this is really hard, but stop begging and leave her alone. You are her best friend, don't you know that when she reappears that you are the first person she will want to see? Your begging her to give you another chance is the same as picking a fight for more attention.
SHOW her you can be what she needs and just chill. Don't call, don't show up at her door, don't write, just go about your own business. If she calls before exams are over, don't answer the phone. Making yourself unavailable until after exams will make her crazy if she is still interested. You need for her to be crazy to see you, and you need to be calm when she shows up and not spill your guts about how much you love and missed her because she already knows that and it isn't about you, it's about her. Actions speak so much louder than words. Good luck!
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/04/11, 10:49 AM
Thank you very much for your advice. How do I show her I can be what she wants? She called me last night, and is going to call today. I still don't know if I have a chance at getting back together with her, but I will try my best to give her time to decide if I do.
I hit rock bottom last night and will try to get better. It turns out booze wasn't a good solution. What can I do to make myself feel better? Can I ask her if we still have a chance to be together? I need help.
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2004/04/11, 11:03 AM
David you need to relax. Alcohol is never a solution for anything, but it got you through the night, so it's all good. She want's space, but she's calling? Uh huh. Don't answer the phone, do what she said and give her space. DON'T be her safety net while she distances herself from you. That's not fair to you. You aren't at rock bottom, your feelings are hurt and you are scared.
This is a two way street and you both have something to learn. She needs to learn to be careful what she wishes for and you absolutely must learn to respect and support her, even when it feels bad.
I strongly suggest that you get out in the sunshine and enjoy the day as best you can. Be strong, be a man, be what she asked for because she really does need that. Don't hold her hand while she learns to live without you.
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Anni
Never pet a burning dog.
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2004/04/12, 02:30 AM
DO NOT BEG
Best advice I think anyone can give you right now is back off a bit, give her space, pretend she doesn't exist for a bit no matter how difficult it is.
Let her do her thing and hopefully not talken and seeing eachother much will get her interest level back up.
Keep busy, play a sport whatever. Let her work her way back towards you.
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2004/05/19, 02:59 PM
Update: Just to let all of you that gave me advice know, things are back to normal with us now. We worked out our problems, agreed to talk things over much more, and things haven't been as smooth in a long time. Thanks very much for everyone that helped out. Espeacially Cafenervosa and Anni.
It was a real tough time, but I'm glad it happened. I think I've really grown from it. I guess it was the wakeup call we both needed. Life is a trip.
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Tom
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