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bobosensei
Posts:
194
Joined: 2004/06/15 |
2004/08/10, 12:47 PM
A few weeks ago I went to have drinks after work with my sister and her fiance. While I was there I met a guy that works with my future brother-in-law. The next day he was asking about me and gave his number to me with the message to call him. I called him and we talked on the phone a few times and we eventually began going out. I've ended up spending the past two weekends with him and many nights during the week. While I think that we need to lighten that up to both keep sane, we are good company. He commented on our first date how we already had a comfortable silence etc.
I know that this guy likes me because every time we go out to a bar with other people he gushes on and on about how he's here with me and that I'm the prettiest girl in the bar etc. All my friends like him and my sister does too. In fact last weekend they were joking around about the prospect of of me marrying him and he told me that if we got married he'd ask my father first. He asked my sister and brother in law if he could date me before asking me out. I figured he must be comfortable with me if he can say those sorts of things. He is always telling me how great I am and how glad he is to know me since it has been so long since he's been interested in anyone. So of course now is the time that stuff goes wrong. The next day while we were recovering from hangovers he began to get weird. He kept commenting on how beautiful all these women on tv were, and I didn't do anything except point out a few that I thought were hot too. He then tells me how he is moving to LA (we are in atlanta) when his lease isup in november. He looked right at me the whole time (a little too much I thought as if judging my reaction although I was attempting to hide what I felt so maybe I am paranoid). I didn't say anything that made me sound psycho I just asked a few curious questions and let it go. What bothers me is the thought that he could like me as much as he claims to while knowing he'll only be around for about 4 months. My sister thinks that he was testing me to see my reaction because he told me to not tell anyone that he is moving in November. The reason he is moving is to get into modeling (so he can make his mom retire early) but he's 28 and a little too old to break into something. He said he'd just go out there and stay until he makes it, even though he told me before that he never wants to leave the south (granted one drunken night he did tell an acquaintance that he wanted to go out to LA for a few years). I feel like the guy is out of touch with reality, because he is cute but not enough to be on the cover of magazines. He was passed up at a potential job for abercrombie and fitch buy a guy who's pretty well known now and he seems to be bitter. While he claims to not care about money, he wasn't happy to find out I made more than he does and he has told me a few times since then that he is so poor and that he never wants to be rich. So why be a model? He can make his mom retire a lot more easily by working a second job or getting a roommate to save on money so that he can give it to her. I don't know if he has hangups about money and looks or if he's just a weirdo. I'd really like for things to work out with us because despite those few things that are worrisome, we've had nothing but good times together. Does anyone have any opinions on this? I know sometimes it is good to get an outsiders opinion on things. Thanks! |
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Anni313
Posts:
1,790
Joined: 2004/03/04 |
2004/08/10, 01:26 PM
bobo, what is your gut telling you?
It's easy to read something weird into this over the internet, but if you aren't comfortable, you need to get out of it. -------------- Anni ******* Hard work must have killed somebody |
princesslodgey
Posts:
1,748
Joined: 2004/02/21 |
2004/08/10, 01:57 PM
If you get on really well with him it may be worth giving him a chance to explain but I think you need to lay down the law really early that you don't do mindgames (unless you do - in which case start saying how much you like his friends)
He sounds like he's pretty insecure but if you don't have it out with him I think the mindgames will continue and it'll be harder to extricate yourself |
bobosensei
Posts:
194
Joined: 2004/06/15 |
2004/08/10, 02:11 PM
hehe thanks anni and princess.
I think my gut is saying that I need to back up, but then my insecurities are kicking in and I am thinking that I won't meet someone as nice as he is and that maybe it is a little slip up. I don't do mindgames princess, but your suggestion was hilarious. Maybe he was right to try to test me because I liked the idea that he was 28 and seemed to be ready to settle down into a serious relationship. He obviously isn't or he's at least spooked by it, and I think I need to step back and remember that I shouldn't want to date someone simply because they seem to be mature and ready for a relationship that I want. Of course I'm not going to lower my standards. Thanks, girls, for replying. Sometimes you need an outside opinion and in this case I think it was well worth it. My suspicions have been confirmed and I'll proceed with caution. I see no reason to stop being friends, but I've decided to stop the idea of a long term relationship which should take care of this problem. Thanks again. |
fsdsk
Posts:
959
Joined: 2003/11/30 |
2004/08/10, 02:18 PM
Ask him when your both moving to LA and see what he does.
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starbell
Posts:
279
Joined: 2002/11/13 |
2004/08/10, 09:13 PM
I think the signals have been put out reguardless if being hung over. When you are experiencing some weirdness out of someone, then it is time to test your gut feelings to see if it was a one time thing or if there are some deep issues. It sounds as if there have already been some signals during other conversations.
Just beware and be safe. |
Carivan
Posts:
8,542
Joined: 2002/01/20 |
2004/08/10, 10:42 PM
Go with the gut feeling, and I have to agree with your sister.
From reading it sounds like no self confidence and insecure. Just my 2 cents. -------------- "A will finds a way, failure is not an option" Ivan carivan@freetrainers.com Montreal Canada |
davisp
Posts:
313
Joined: 2002/10/26 |
2004/08/10, 11:05 PM
hehe, I agree, ask him when you are both moving to LA.
Seriously, you should talk to him and back up IMO, but go with your gut feeling. Just from reading what you say he sounds insecure. -------------- Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results. - Paul Post mark - PaulsMark - Post mark |
bobosensei
Posts:
194
Joined: 2004/06/15 |
2004/08/11, 09:36 AM
y'all are great.
thanks :) I am tempted to ask him when we will be moving to LA hehehe |
hecdarec
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2,457
Joined: 2003/12/16 |
2004/08/11, 09:43 AM
Kill him.-------------- You can cover up the flaws on your body, but there is no hiding a flawed personality. |
myopicgreen
Posts:
11
Joined: 2004/07/24 |
2004/08/11, 11:31 AM
I don't want to seem like I'm concentrating on the negative here, but it seems like it's just all about him: he's proud to be with you because of how you reflect on him; he's reactive to how much money you make because of how that compares with HIS income. With just the information supplied, I'd say he was feeling that the drama and attention were a little low and he wanted to cause some turmoil to pull the focus back on his goals, insecurities, and future. So he created a potential threat to the relationship, and now he's sitting back to find out how much noise you'll make. Of course, this is all coming from a totally jaded chick, so don't pay too much mind if it doesn't resonate.
And GOOD LUCK! I'm wishing you well. |
hecdarec
Posts:
2,457
Joined: 2003/12/16 |
2004/08/11, 11:43 AM
Damn you are smart-------------- You can cover up the flaws on your body, but there is no hiding a flawed personality. |
bobosensei
Posts:
194
Joined: 2004/06/15 |
2004/08/11, 02:41 PM
interesting theory myopicgreen...my sister actually said that she thought that he was doing this so that he seems more important than he actually is. He's lived in lots of places since he graduated college, Vail Colorade for a year, Chatanooga Tennessee for three years, and Atlanta for almost one. I can't help but think that everytime he doesn't get his way he pulls up stakes and moves somewhere else.
He was unhappy with his job because he should have been promoted by now, but instead of telling his boss he said he'll just find something in LA and put in a two weeks notice and not let them try to talk him out of leaving. I guess his past failures make him feel the need to end things before he's really invested in them. Heck, what good is this promotion anyway if he's leaving in 4 months? I don't understand why he complains. If he's just looking for a better paying job he could get one for the few months before he leaves and he'd be done with the company and all the crap he deals with. Either way no matter what he's doing he's too old to be this unstable. If he keeps changing jobs every year he will never get the experience he needs to be promoted anywhere. The more I talk about this the more irritated I become with him. and fsdsk I got a better idea than moving to LA with him hehehe I should tell him that I plan on getting pregnant before he leaves :laugh: |
fsdsk
Posts:
959
Joined: 2003/11/30 |
2004/08/11, 04:57 PM
Thats a good one!
============ Quoting from bobosensei: and fsdsk I got a better idea than moving to LA with him hehehe I should tell him that I plan on getting pregnant before he leaves :laugh: ============= |
davisp
Posts:
313
Joined: 2002/10/26 |
2004/08/11, 07:08 PM
*BOOM* :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
That's the sound of me falling backwards in my chair. -------------- and fsdsk I got a better idea than moving to LA with him hehehe I should tell him that I plan on getting pregnant before he leaves -------------- -------------- Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results. - Paul Post mark - PaulsMark - Post mark |